Category Archives: Rants and raves

Rants and raves, Uncategorized, Writings

So much BDE in the ICE

Big guns, tiny hands, but that should suffice,
Look at me, Momma, I’m a captain in ICE!
I was no fool, loved skipping school
But some B&E’s and cops said “not so cool!”

Army wouldn’t have me, nor would the cops
Neck and face tattoos kept me out of the business opps
So I played my video games and smoked crack
Took to cosplaying GI Joe — thinking I was so jacked.

Saw the posters recruiting for the new breed of ICE
Realized I could leap that low entry bar at least by twice
They gave me a flak jacket, face mask, and my choice of a gun
“Don’t worry about training, boy, go out and have fun!”

“Round up tan and brown folks, bust in a door
Make sure your iPhone is set to ‘record.’
Your memes are worth money on the ICE home page
Ain’t about justice; it’s about stoking the rage.”

With its $75 billion, ICE is recruiting society’s dregs
Building a private army of loyal zombies and bad eggs.
When the time comes, they will march into key cities and towns
And arrest all those obstructing liberal clowns.

The current horror show is just a diversion
While they plan for liberty’s ultimate perversion.
Don’t be fooled by tiny hands and big dick energy (BDE) today
The real goon squad is training for another January 6 foray.

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Memoirs -- fact and fiction, Rants and raves, Reviews, San Miguel de Allende, Uncategorized, Writings

What happens when your AI browser gets into the gummies: Perplexity in nine acts

Act 1

Me, speaking into the Perplexity AI browser’s microphone: “How long is the French Camino?”

What Perplexity heard: “Hello, this is a test.”

What Perplexity replied: “Hello! Test received loud and clear. What’s on your mind?”

Act 2

Me, a little perplexed with Perplexity: How long is the French Camino?”

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Rants and raves, San Miguel de Allende, Uncategorized, Writings

This is just Wilde

“Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life” — Oscar Wilde in an 1889 essay.

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In the avalanche of outrage and imagery pouring out of Minneapolis in the aftermath of the killing of Renee Nicole Good by ICE agent Jonathan Ross, one scene stood out to me, but not for reasons related to Good’s horrific shooting.

A video shows dozens of Minneapolis citizens sliding down an icy slope to join scores of other protestors on the far side of a wintry landscape.

Where had I seen this before?

I snagged a freeze-frame, and it took only minutes to recall.

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Rants and raves, San Miguel de Allende, Scotland - West Highland Way, Uncategorized, Writings

First fantasy of the new year: Let’s buy a Scottish castle

I’m a little quick off the mark, but my first full-blown fantasy for 2026 is already in:

I want to buy a 20-bedroom castle on the Isle of Rum in the Inner Hebrides. (I think it might include the whole Isle of Rum. Not sure.)

I don’t think I need to say more.

But I will.

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Memoirs -- fact and fiction, Rants and raves, San Miguel de Allende, Writings

It is Liberation Day in my head

I’m done with “push” content from newspapers, substacks, pods and podcasters, bloggers, social media platforms, conspiracy boosters, angry MAGAs, fundraisers, revolutionists, ah-has and ma-ha’s, political shamans, alarmists, talking heads, Chicken Littles, grim reapers, Beltway pundits, scribblers, cartoonists, and diatribe specialists.

Or as another noted crank once put it, I’ve had it up to here with “Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism, This-ism, that-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m.”

All I am saying is don’t give push a chance. 

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fiction, Rants and raves, San Miguel de Allende, Writings

Blogger Joe Grappa has some questions and Jesus sits down for a Q&A

Sometimes you are handed a gift, in this case, a funny and talented writer named Papa Joe Grappa. A mutual friend sent me Joe’s Substack column titled “Questions for Jesus When He Comes Back.” It is really funny, as it should be for a guy who was Jay Leno’s head writer for 20 years.

Here’s the thing, as I was reading Joe’s questions, I was hearing Jesus’s answers.

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Rants and raves, San Miguel de Allende, Writings

It’s the game show where online trolls can become kings!

Hi! And welcome back to the popular shame game “So You Think You Can Rant?” where it’s your words against the troll-a-verse!  I’m your host, Seymour Bittame!

For those of you who haven’t played before, the rules are simple:

A scenario pulled from a real social media post will be put up on the screen and our four panelists will have one minute to respond to it in the worst possible ways imaginable. Oh, yes, without violating FCC rules on taste and profanity.

Audience laughs.

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Rants and raves, Reviews, San Miguel de Allende, Uncategorized

Composer Hoppé takes audience on a memorable journey with the help of some talented friends

The theme of Michael Hoppé’s annual San Miguel de Allende concert on Wednesday night was “Together!” And, indeed, even inside the expansive and nearly full Teatro Angela Peralta, it was a cozy affair.

That was largely due to the artist’s engaging reminisces between each of the 21 compositions that were performed and the music itself which is endlessly appealing on so many emotional levels.

But Hoppé had a subtitle to offer: Encouragement. You could see it in the five talented musicians who took turns performing with the maestro and in his own recollections on the trajectory of his career.

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fiction, Rants and raves, San Miguel de Allende, Writings

Revenge gifts for annoying friends should be simple and subtle — but not a puppy!

A lot of people say to me, “Bob, I have this really annoying friend. Annoying, but not so bad that I want to kill him. Is there anything a passive-aggressive person like myself can do about this situation?”

My first instinct is to say, “My friend, you’ve come to the right place. Have you ever considered gifting them a puppy?

I don’t say that, however.

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#smwc2025, Rants and raves, Reviews, San Miguel de Allende

Margaret Atwood has some thoughts on the future, and not just the one she envisioned in ‘Handmaid’s Tale’

Let’s just get right to the point that is on everyone’s minds: Are we barreling headlong into the dystopian patriarchy depicted by Margaret Atwood in “The Handmaid’s Tale”?

Says Atwood: “I don’t think we’ll get the uniforms.”

Ba-boom.

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