How can you tell if a parade is about to break out in San Miguel de Allende?

Sadly, if you are a gringo, you’re probably the last to know. Parades and processions, for the most part, are cultural. You may not be connected to the network that announces such things. So, pay attention. Follow these tips and you may end up on the sidewalk watching one of the most unique and exciting things to happen in this city.

1. Did your day start with explosions at around 5 a.m.? There may be a parade today.
2. Did a young man just pass you in the opposite direction carrying a colorful Indian headdress and the skulls of his enemies? There may be a parade today.
3. Are bugles, trumpets, and drums “tuning up” off in the distance? There may be a parade today.
4. Did you just see a group of Killer Clowns walking on the other side of the street? There may be a parade today.
5. Are there more people than usual sitting on walls and curbs, with a look of anticipation on their faces. There may be a parade today.
6. Are there guys walking up and down the Ancha selling balloons on sticks? There may be a parade today.
7. Are there portable fence sections leaning against buildings, when there weren’t any yesterday? There may be a parade today.
8. Can you hear the unmistakable sound of dance music blaring from huge portable sound systems? There may be a parade today.
9. Is it the month of May or perhaps, June? There may be a parade today.

There was a parade today. And because I carefully read many of the signs leading in that direction, I am able to bring you these pictures.

Here’s how I did it. While walking back from Sunday market today, I became aware of an awful lot of musical instruments — bugles and trumpets — randomly blowing out notes. Drums were beating, too, but in patterns totally unrelated to the horns.

“Ah,” I told myself. “These are very bored people waiting for a parade to begin.”

Exiting Parque Juarez, and noticing the absence of weddings and mariachi bands, I turned my attention toward Colonia Guadiana and Calle El Cardo where two lines of individuals were marching casually east toward the roundabout. One line was made up of Indians in full bonnets and warpaint. The other line was soldiers carrying machetes.

Ah, ha! You don’t see that sort of thing every day. Well on days without parades. It just isn’t done.

I stood near the Fuentes roundabout fountain and watched closely as they snapped into formation in front of the El Golpe Vista Hotel and marched crisply to several drummers as they turned up Prolongacion de Aldama.

Right past the portable traffic barriers that closed off the street.

Ah, ha!

“This may all mean something,” I told myself.

Frankly, the street was alive with Indians, costumed characters, Killer Clowns, drag queens, monsters, vintage soldiers, and numerous high-volume sound systems spaced intermittently up the street.

Could it be????

The clincher came as I walked down Cordo and spotted scores of people sitting on the walls of the municipal parking lot and in the little pocket park where Cordo meets the Ancha de San Antonio.

And indeed there was one.

See how a clever person like yourself can read the clues, make all the right deductions, and end up having a ripe old time watching amazingly costumed characters defy the heat and dance like mad men and women.

Well, just go out for a walk and practice. Keep your eyes and ears open, follow your instincts, and who knows what adventure you will find yourself having.

REMEMBER: You can click on any photograph to enlarge it.