Thirty things I can not do — according to the 876 e-mails that I just deleted — now that my only debit card has been hacked and terminated by my bank:
- Buy tickets for the San Miguel chamber music festival’s new season.
- Help the Democratic Party defeat the existential threat to democracy that is the Republican Party by donating to 73 candidates for various state and national offices who are currently soliciting me for funds to continue their campaigns.
- Take advantage of the special discount being offered by several companies on photo-printed coffee cups, T-shirts, and aprons – and of course, photo books.
- The latest one-day-only Kindle book deal of the century! Just for me!
- Free shipping – for today only! – on lots of stuff that I don’t need, never wanted, and didn’t ask for.
- A 50 percent discount on New Yorker magazine. Ends very, very, very soon!
- Twenty-five percent off all personally designed birthday and thank you cards. Extended offer! This won’t last forever. Why are you hesitating? Surely you know somebody with a birthday coming up soon.
- Pay my New York Times subscription which has detected a problem with my current method of payment and even after some 30 years as a subscriber has no desire to cut me some slack.
- Take advantage of Kayak’s and Skyscanner’s alerts on the price of airplane tickets to Boston, Providence, San Diego, Sacramento, and Reno. Prices going up very soon! maybe in the next few hours! Don’t hesitate!
- The last chance to book car rentals at soon-to-go up prices for the just mentioned cities.
- Last chance (again) to get a New Yorker subscription (which I already have) – save 86% on the cover price! (Lots of these. Lots and lots and lots. The equivalent of the inserts that tumble to the floor when you open a magazine.)
- An opportunity to get summer fun flexibility by booking a Lake Tahoe vacation rental NOW!
- Invitation to donate to Alex’s GoFundMe account. (Who is Alex? I don’t know.)
- PayPal has selected ME to apply for its exclusive credit program and they are giving me $40 off future purchases – if only I could.
- Last chance to get $50 off certain health and ancestry deals with 23andMe, now that they have a chunk of my DNA sample and personal data.
- Today only’s special 40 percent-off deals from Amazon. Is this a duplicate? Is this a repeat? It sounds sooooo familiar….
- Purchase the perfect bra from Natori.
- Use the limited-one-time-only special credit from Uber Eats.
- The last chance to have my gift matched at several non-profit fund-raisers.
- Migrate e-mails to a new cloudHQ email address.
- Save 20 percent on Rick Steves travel bags.
- A free trial on internet-based security cameras.
- Incredible deals, this week only, at La Comer supermarket.
- Starbucks: Become a member, win incredible prizes!
- Renew my now-discontinued Prime subscription. Only days left to do so.
- Watch the 88 best movies on Netflix — which will soon discontinue my subscription when my next monthly payment comes due if I don’t cough up some dough and replace my credit card with one that works.
- Only one day left to take advantage of the clearance program that will enable me to by-pass airport security lines and stick my nose up at the hoi-polloi.
- A chance to bring someone I love for free on Amtrak’s limited-time-only two-for-one hot summer deal. Seriously hot. As in, this is one hot summer and the AC on Amtrak sucks.
- Unlock Expedia’s rewards benefits.
- Win a custom-designed Airstream trailer and Ram 1500 truck from Omaze.
I also can not:
Pull pesos out of an ATM machine.
Order a new book from Kindle.
Pay for a meal in a restaurant.
Buy a case of wine.
Load up on dwindling medications.
Get U.S. dollars when I fly to Boston today.
Pay for a hotel room.
Pay for the rental car I reserved a month ago
Pay for gas when I drive to Rhode Island.
On the other hand:
I can sit and read a book
I can write to people
I can call family on the phone and chat
I can sit in the courtyard and ask the birds how they managed before the Internet.
I can turn off, tune out, and drop out.
I can go for a long walk in the countryside.
I can sit in the Jardin and listen to Mariachi bands as the sun sets.
I can sit on the roof terrace and watch the sunset.
I can count the church bells and make sure they are keeping proper time.