Big guns, tiny hands, but that should suffice,
Look at me, Momma, I’m a captain in ICE!
I was no fool, loved skipping school
But some B&E’s and cops said “not so cool!”

Army wouldn’t have me, nor would the cops
Neck and face tattoos kept me out of the business opps
So I played my video games and smoked crack
Took to cosplaying GI Joe — thinking I was so jacked.

Saw the posters recruiting for the new breed of ICE
Realized I could leap that low entry bar at least by twice
They gave me a flak jacket, face mask, and my choice of a gun
“Don’t worry about training, boy, go out and have fun!”

“Round up tan and brown folks, bust in a door
Make sure your iPhone is set to ‘record.’
Your memes are worth money on the ICE home page
Ain’t about justice; it’s about stoking the rage.”

With its $75 billion, ICE is recruiting society’s dregs
Building a private army of loyal zombies and bad eggs.
When the time comes, they will march into key cities and towns
And arrest all those obstructing liberal clowns.

The current horror show is just a diversion
While they plan for liberty’s ultimate perversion.
Don’t be fooled by tiny hands and big dick energy (BDE) today
The real goon squad is training for another January 6 foray.